just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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