Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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