My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
