i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
