Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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