Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
