I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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