god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
