everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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