threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
