you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
