I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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