Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
