i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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