I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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