he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
