i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
