I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
