Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
