The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
