Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
