you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
