She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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