We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You ruined the universe
Randomize
