return my video game
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
