I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
