YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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