This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
