Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
