you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
