He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
