I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
