Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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