I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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