Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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