I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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