After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
