I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
