I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
