Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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