Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
