He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
