I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
