the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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