Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You pole danced in your parka.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
