I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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