She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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