you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
