Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
