Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So much rum. So many feels.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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