And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
