Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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