He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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