just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
