I heard we made out
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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