He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
