I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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