just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
