I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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