hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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