No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i think i just lost a toe
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
