The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
