where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He is an equal opportunity slut.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
