Sober January is a disaster.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize