You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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