i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
