If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
