I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
