I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Shame - the story of my life.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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