I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
