Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you win again, gameday.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
