I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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