yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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