i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
When are your genitals available?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
