Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
