Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
