I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
