And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
