i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
