sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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